Most guys can be forgiven for thinking that proposing is simple. All you have to do is ask ‘will you marry me’, right? Well, you also need to get a ring (even if she says she doesn’t want a ring… she probably does, deep down). And you need to figure out where and when to do it too, and on top of all that you need to keep your plans secret. Or do you?
In the ‘good’ old days, a proposal was a romantic surprise by the man to sweep the woman, who longed for this moment so they could start their lives together, off her feet. Nowadays, couples are a little different. Most live together and share at least of couple of years of their lives before they even think about marriage. Pretty much everyone discusses the idea of getting married before getting engaged, too. But what about the engagement ring? Should it be discussed as a team, or does there still need to be at least one element of surprise?
Here’s the case for and against asking your other half what kind of engagement ring they want.
Marriage is all about teamwork, right? And it requires honesty and compromise to work, right? Then why shouldn’t you be honest with your soon-to-be wife and tackle the engagement ring question as a team? It makes sense to start as you mean to go on, and if your other half isn’t much of a traditionalist then she will be 100% fine with having an open, honest discussion about what she likes and doesn’t like.
Think of it this way. You’re buying her a piece of jewellery that she’ll wear for the rest of her life. And most men (although there are obviously plenty of exceptions) don’t know much about women’s jewellery. You pretty much need her expertise on this one, for many reasons. The only person who can pick out her ideal ring is her. But with her input, you can come pretty damn close!
Finally, remember this isn’t the only time you’ll ever have to buy her jewellery. If you’re planning on having a long and happy marriage that means there’ll be plenty of birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. You may as well get to know her favoured style now – it’ll save so much time on gift shopping decisions in the future!
If one or both of you prefers to adhere to traditions, then picking a ring yourself and springing a surprise proposal is the only way to go. Life can be pretty mundane sometimes, and a sweet romantic gesture creates a beautiful moment that will be cherished forever (especially if you pick the right ring!). It’s also important to respect your other half’s wishes when it comes to things like this – even if it’s not that big of a deal to you, it could be for her.
You kind of need to know everything about a person if you commit to marrying them. That includes their morals, their past, their hopes for the future and their day to day likes and dislikes. If you know all of the above, then buying an engagement ring shouldn’t be a big deal because you’ll already know what styles she’ll like more than others. Think about her fashion sense and her personality and you’ll be guided in the right direction, with no need for outside help.
Picking out the engagement ring yourself without any guidance from your other half also shows that you’re willing to make an effort to make her happy – and a pretty big effort at that! It takes lots of time, money and research to find the perfect ring (trust us). And if you didn’t know before you’ll learn about her jewellery likes and dislikes which, more often than not, will lead to more new and interesting discoveries about the woman you love.
While both the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ sides have valid points, there’s one bottom line. Whatever works best for you and your spouse is what you should do. If she’s always dreamed of a fairytale surprise proposal, there’s no reason not to make that reality. If you’re a couple who likes to tackle everything together, or if she specifically tells you what she wants, then go with that. And if you’re in doubt, you can always rope in a friend to help! 🙂